


Same Sea

by EllsterSMASH



Series: Dark Skies [2]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, F/M, Flirting, Grief/Mourning, Lust, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-17 05:37:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13652520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllsterSMASH/pseuds/EllsterSMASH
Summary: My contributions to Leather & Lace Romance Week 2018 on Tumblr![set across the entire trilogy]





	1. Testing the Waters

**Author's Note:**

> _when the currents take us out again / to opposite oceans_  
>  _out of the hands of safety_  
>  _from the shallows to the deepest end / places we break and bend_  
>  _you're the one in it with me_  
>  _no matter how far we get_  
>  _oceans we are in still connect_  
>  _and when the currents circle back again / they'll carry us with them_  
>  _to the arms of the same sea_  
>  — _Same Sea,_ Lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 1 — prompt: two people/one bed

It’s the Council’s fault. The Council and their “pressing engagements” and their misunderstanding of the word “urgent” and their unsympathetic secretary.

Williams takes off for the Wards as soon as she hears they’re staying the night—if you can call it night when the day’s not even real—and then it all happens too damn fast. One minute, they’re checking into a hotel on the Presidium, and the next, he’s standing in the open doorway asking where the other bed is.

“Weren’t you listening? This one comes with a full bath,” she says, already stripping. “A  _bath_ , Alenko.”

Kaidan swings the door shut and looks around at anything but her. In retrospect, he might have been better served by listening to the asari  _behind_ the front desk, rather than leering at Shepard’s shapely form propped up against it. Thankfully, she quickly disappears into the washroom, giving him plenty of space to play catch-up while the water runs.

Talk about bad timing. He can’t remember the last time he felt this way, this out of control. This nervous, head-in-the-clouds, blood-on-fire smitten. It’s maddening. And foolish. And stupid. A goddamn exercise in futility.

Too bad his body doesn’t seem to care about that.

He briefly considers jerking off to dull his arousal, and honestly, it’d be a waste of this perfectly good privacy not to. But he doesn’t trust his brain to keep her out of it. So he perches on the very end of the bed and turns on the news and waits.

And waits.

And waits.

Shepard emerges an hour and a half later in a cloud of scented steam. Mercifully, wrapped in a plush white robe. Her wet-dark curls drip water around the room as she scoops up her discarded clothes and shoves them in the laundry.

“You want yours cleaned?”

Kaidan shakes his head, then thinks better of it and tosses his shirt and pants her way. He’d rather be clothed, all things considered. But they didn't expect the stay, short as it is, and he’d rather not walk in front of the Council tomorrow in a wrinkled shirt that smells like Chora’s Den.

The washing machine clicks shut, then whirs softly.

“Sorry I held up the bathroom,” she says. “There are toothbrushes and stuff in there. Left cabinet.”

By the time he gets back, the drapes have been pulled and she's sitting against the headboard, blotting at her hair with a towel. The robe gapes in the front, but he’s definitely not looking. Judging by the slow turn of her head as he crosses the room, she can’t say the same.

“Enjoy the view?” he teases as he tucks himself into the other side.

Her lips twitch with amusement, but her eyes, wide and piercing and deep, dark blue, bore into his. Searching. Testing. Challenging, maybe. It’s a long, heavy moment before her smile widens. “Yes.”

She says it so brazenly.  _Yes_ , like a fact. And facts about Kyra Shepard are rare. She’s hard to get to know, and he’s been making more of a concerted effort than he probably should. Shepard turns deflection into an art form. He knows a little about what happened on Akuze. Knows she came from Earth, somewhere. Knows she doesn’t sleep much, that she runs the ship every morning, that she’s damn good at her job. That she apparently likes to take very long baths.

And now he knows this.

Maybe she said it to test him. Maybe it’s just an empty flirt. Maybe her stare wasn’t loaded at all, maybe he made that up. But something inside him—something rather loud for its diminutive size—resolves to sleep on the floor, because the rest of him wants to surge across the undivided center of this bed and press her into these absurdly soft pillows and kiss her. Which would go against regs and potentially get his ass kicked for the trouble.

So he taps out. He laughs it off and turns over. Away from her and her confusing grin and her twilight stare that means everything and changes nothing.

“Goodnight, Shepard.” As if he could sleep.

He pretends to try anyway.

“‘Night, Alenko.”

Fucking Council.

 

\---

 

She wakes with a start, images still flashing behind her eyes. They adjust, but her surroundings make no sense. She's lost in the unfamiliar darkness. There's no light, no sound but that of steady breathing somewhere to her left and she reaches toward it.

Skin. Cool skin and static and—

Alenko.

The bed.

The hotel room.

_Oh._

She shakes off the dream, the screaming visions of death and destruction. Water, maybe. Just a drink of water, if she can make it to the bathroom without running into something, and then she can try to sleep a bit more.

She should try to sleep.

Or maybe she'll go for a run.

She makes it to the bathroom and braces herself as she flips on the light. A few sips, a splash to her face, and she's fine. She's fine.

It's harder to get back into bed than it was to get out, the post-light black like a thick veil over her eyes. Her shin smacks into the bedframe and she hisses.

"Shepard?" Kaidan's voice, raspy and slurred with sleep, makes her jump.

"Yeah," she whispers. "It's me. I'm sorry to wake you."

"It's fine. You okay?"

"Of course. Don't worry about it."

He goes quiet. For enough moments together that she assumes he's gone back to sleep, and she climbs back into the warmth she left behind.

"Shepard," his voice comes again. She can just barely make out the shape of him.

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

Kyra pauses. "I said yes."

"Yeah. I heard you."

She huffs. "Then why—"

"Because I don't believe you."

Twenty objections fly to her tongue and die in her mouth. She takes a shaky breath and tries again.

"I'm fine."

Again, he is quiet. Again, she wonders if he's fallen asleep.

"Okay," he said, and the shape of him shifts.

She waits until his breathing goes steady, then curls herself around her pillow and thinks of skin. Cool skin and little sparks. And she's fine.

She's fine.


	2. Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 3 — prompt: Valentine's Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, I skipped Day 2. I'll be posting that one later this week sometime. It's gotten longer and more involved than I had planned, and is kicking my tushy.

He should be getting ready. He has to leave in an hour and a half, and there’s no way he’s looking anything less than perfect today.

Instead, he empties his mug and stares at the clock.

[14/02/2184 06:49:29]

…49:30]

…49:31]

…49:32]

When Kaidan was a kid, his dad used to make breakfast on holidays. Might even be making it now. Valentine’s Day means red velvet pancakes and heart-shaped fried eggs and a fresh bouquet of red roses on the dining room table. Yeah, his dad has always been a classic kind of guy. A little cheesy, sure. A little cliché. But Kaidan can still remember the warmth of his mom’s smile on those special mornings.

Later on, he’d looked forward to someday making breakfast for his partner. Or maybe not breakfast, but something for their kids to remember. He’d find out what they liked, what little gestures meant “I love you” to them, and he’d do it, every year, for the rest of their lives.

A call comes in, and he lets it ring.

The mug goes in the sink, and his clothes in the hamper. He shaves. Doesn’t spend too long in the shower, despite how tempting it is to stay. He styles his hair, dresses, and devotes a solid five minutes to staring at his reflection and checking for flaws. It’s tedious, and maybe he’s overdoing it, but he does it anyway. She’s worth the extra care.

Once he’s satisfied that he’s achieved perfection, he puts on his boots and coat, as well as a pair of fur-lined leather gloves and a gray woolen scarf.

[14/02/2184 08:14:03]

...14:04]

...14:05]

...14:06]

Time to go.

The comm by the door flashes red. He considers letting it go on blinking, unacknowledged, ignored in this empty apartment after he’s gone. Seems like it might be satisfying. But he doesn’t.

With the touch of a finger, Liara T’Soni’s voice fills his quarters.

_Hello, Kaidan. Just wanted to check in. I know the ceremony is today, and I wish I could be there for you. For Shepard. To tell you the truth, I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now, but if you would like to talk, I am here. I don’t know what else I can say except . . . I miss her, too. And she loved you. Never doubt that._

_Loved._ It rings in Kaidan’s ears long after the room goes silent. He deletes the message before he leaves.


	3. Paperwork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 4 — prompt: disagreements & making up

Unlike most people he knows, Kaidan has always liked filing mission reports. They're boring, but then that’s kind of the point. For him, at least. It’s a good way to unpack, to pare away the noise and figure out what to take away . . . and what’s best left behind.

So when the chaos of Horizon is over—when his armor is put away and he’s showered and rested—he grabs a beer and a seat and a datapad. And it helps, at first. It helps him sort out the Alliance’s false intel on Shepard. Her impossible recovery. Her involvement with Cerberus. Their role in the attacks. All of it, organized and summarized into a tidy row of observations, ready for someone with a higher pay grade than his to make sense out of all of it.

When he’s done and the report is sealed and sent to HQ, it’s supposed to be quiet. But it’s not. His quarters are as far from the engines as they can be on a ship this size. There’s barely even a hum in here. Yet the noise is deafening. All the things he said rattle around his insides like bullets with no exit wounds, ripping loose two and a half years of hard work, tearing open scars he’d thought were healed.

_She’s alive. If it’s really her. And it can’t really be her. Could be a clone or advanced tech or a cruel Cerberus experiment or— God she smelled so good, though. Through the blood and dirt and sweat. Maybe that’s always what she was, just blood and dirt and sweat. And eezo. And sometimes a whiff of sweetness. Whiskey and sugar. But no, it wasn’t her, couldn’t have been her. It’s not possible. _That’s over, that life is gone, she’s not the same. She can’t be. Or maybe it’s me, maybe I was wrong. It’s been known to happen. Maybe she was never who I thought she was._ _

_But if it is her._

_If it’s really her._

_If it’s her, and she’s alive._

All he can think of is her face, the face he remembers so vividly despite the years. Her face, smooth and whole but for a few faintly glowing scars, no evidence remaining of the gruesome death that had plagued the worst of his nightmares. Her face, features closed into an emotionless mask right before he walked away. Her face, jaw tight with anger as he accused her of betrayal. Her face, brows lifted in shock as he unleashed his rage on her in front of others. Her face, eyes averted with guilt as he demanded an explanation. Her face, lips lifted in relief as he walked forward to confront her.

_If it’s her, and she’s alive._

He grabs his datapad off the sofa, opens a new email, and starts typing.

 

> ~~Hey~~    ~~Dear Sh~~    ~~Kyra,~~   Shepard,
> 
> ~~I didn't~~    ~~It was really good to~~   I’m so sorry for ~~being an ass~~   ~~basically calling you a Cerberus lackey~~    ~~moving on.~~

Kaidan huffs and sits back. This is a mistake. He’s only going to make it worse. And for all the shitty things he said to her, he was at least right on a few things. She’s with _Cerberus_ , for god’s sake. Fucking Cerberus, what was she thinking?

_If it’s her._

He starts over.

 

> Shepard,
> 
> I’m sorry for what I said back on Horizon . . .


End file.
